Curious.

Just breathe, just be yourself. Why is it I can't help but feel nervous around her? It is so easy to be myself when there is nothing on the line. Don't think about getting into a relationship... Approach it as a friend. I am. I am trying. But what if she really wanted a white knight to sweep her off her feet? I can't help but feel conflicted if I should've this or could've that. Too many unknowns in building this mass that might amount to nothing in the end. I know this is like totally not the right attitude to approach this... gah infatuation fucking sucks. bleh. cliche. This whole thing is like reading a mystery novel. I don't know the end until I finish reading the book. But I keep taking pauses to think what the plot might be, I wish I can just know... 

Detachment.

Detachment (noun)- the act of detaching, the condition of being detached, aloofness, as from worldly affairs or from the concerns of others. I don't know why, but sometimes I just fall head over hell for girls. Typo intended. Actually it is not that bad, but it is just like... It is especially hard when you have feelings for someone to like talk to them normally without like s-s-s-stuttering or sounding stupid. I feel like I am getting judged on the spot and everything I say is recorded to be analyzed later. I hate getting nervous. I can talk to girls normally when I have no feelings for them. I wish I can have more control over my emotions right now. I mean it is not wrong to have feelings for people right? I just feel like these feelings right now I don't need because they only hinder the progress of me getting to know her on a different level. So in a sense, I want to detach myself from liking her... so I can get to know her and like her more. I know this whole thing sounds kind of self-contradictory, but hey who said love is rational anyways? 

Dream-umm...

Have you ever met someone... and immediately took on a liking for her? Now I think about it, this whole situation comes off a little strange even for myself. I mean to be honest the only things I know about her are the brief moments I hungout with her. The things she said, the questions I asked, now what? What am I suppose to say. Sometimes I wish there is a sign laid out for me to read... Take a risk, step up a little more, take a blow, say a little more. I don't know where this will lead and how my actions will ripple into the consequences when this chapter ends. There is just something about her, I think it is her smile. Her beautiful smile. Movements of her cheeks, her freckles. Her eyes, her electric gaze. Sometimes I feel my heart skips a beat whenever she is around. Her face a little flush. Mine a little blush. She is like a fever I want to catch. My thought engrossed by the vibe she brought. I wonder if she believes in love too or is that too soon?...

A walk in the park.

A walk in the park sure did the job. I was on the swings for the first time in a very longtime. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel the world around me. The cold breeze surrounded me and I felt the movement of the wind. My center of gravity swayed back and forth. I never felt so small in this world before. I opened my eyes and stared at the blue sky. The clouds seem to convey a message. My sky began to blur with the cloud as if an eclipse of white smoke overshadowed my eyes. I closed my eyes. When I opened them up again, I was looking at the playground. I sat down on the round-and-round and my friend spinned me around. I looked up and for a second I saw a panoramic view of the world. I got up, feeling a little dizzy from the playground and laid on the grass. My fingers brushed against the grass, the tingly sensation crawled up my spine. I began to watch the clouds again in the sky. This time instead of blurred images, I saw explosions in the sky. An infinite and continous stream of random geometric shapes morphing, each explosion closer to me as if I stared at it long enough the clouds will engulf me whole. Time had no place in my world when my mind was so occupied by the patterns in this world. I walked the familiar path that I have traveled many times before on the way back, but each moment was a separate path home.