80/20.

I first heard about the 80/20 rule from my housemate. The axiom in a gist states that supposedly you are going out with a person, she might be perfect, less than, or not. Assumption is that she satisfies you 80%, despite the trivial percentage, you will always be curious about the other 20%. So eventually, you dump what was your 80 to pursue the 20, only to find that you were content with the 80 but things can never go back like the way it was before. The 80/20 rule serves as a reminder to prevent such situation from happening...

Ideally, everyone wants to find that perfect someone out there. But in a world with roughly 6.77 billion people, what are the chances? The chance of finding a perfect girl is near impossible, for the most part the 80/20 rule is practical. However, the 80/20 rule actually originates from economics. The specific presumption states that to achieve higher productivity one should only focus on the 20. The obvious dilemma, there is no way of knowing exactly how much the 80 is worth if you don't know the 20 and the chance of finding the perfect girl increases after each succession, presumptively...

Like most things, there are two sides to every story. In a sense, what it comes down to is how much an individual values the relationship. There are always trade-offs and no one is perfect. It just saddens me sometimes I see my friends date horrible people and settle down. I never really say anything because they clearly find some sort of meaning despite all the mess. On the other hand, there are individuals that never appreciate anything and are always on a chase...

In many ways, the 80/20 rule is very much like a visit to an ice-cream shop. Girls are like the different flavors that can be selected and sampled. So many flavors out there to try, how do you know which one is your favorite? For me, I already know what my favorite flavor is. It never gets old and it is the only thing I ask for whenever I am in an ice-cream shop. I am actually on a diet right now, so sticking with the non-fat yogurt. But I still get the cravings for some good ol' ice-cream from time to times :]

Cupcake Carcrash.

So after I bought some cupcakes for my friend today at Sprinkles, I managed to get myself in a car accident. The scenario went down like this, I was backing out of my parking space. As usual, the parking lot consists of a two way traffic flow, a debatable point I will get back on later. There was already another car waiting for me in the back when I was backing out, this car was on the right lane. When I backed out my car, I wanted to turn right so instead of exiting the busy street I can weave my way through traffic and find a less occupied exit. But while I was backing out, the car behind the car that was waiting for my spot decided to drive up through the left lane. So this moment in time, my car was turned to the right with nowhere to go because both lanes were blocked. The only solution then for me is to park my car in again, back out, and make a left into the street instead of right. I did just that. But what do you know? While backing out, the car in the left lane decided to drive for whatever reason. The aftermath was a dent on the right front fender, my car was scratch free...

The real story begins here. I got out of my car to talk to the people from the other car. I was a little bit frustrated because for starter, the accident happened because some people have no etiquette and patience at driving. Anyways, so I went to the window of the passenger side and the first thing the lady said to me was, "I have cancer. I just got out of chemo therapy. Do you want to exchange insurance information?" that caught me completely off guard. So for the next ten minutes or so, I was like apologizing to her. I told her I didn't want to go through insurance. For some reason, all of the sudden everything felt like my fault. I even sent an email to her apologizing. But the thing is... now I think about it, I don't think it was my fault at all. Her driver was arguing that because there was not a yellow-dotted line on the road, it was not a two way traffic. But that is just ridiculous, aside from that Mrs. Cancer lady wasn't even the one driving...

Everytime I would state my case and talk about it with the driver, Mrs. Cancer lady would be like, "I can't handle this right now". The driver even asked me this stupid question, "why did you back your car in again?" I mean, are you serious... first you blocked traffic, second you went against the traffic, how is it any of it my fault? If anything, I am the victim of an impulsive driver that did not followed the traffic rules. Anyways, I am not exactly sure if I am at fault or not because I did hit the side of her car. I am pretty sure if she hit my car first, then that would be a completely different story. I think I am actually going to talk to my insurance about it. I have a lot of sympathy for people, but I am also an honest person. Seriously though, just because someone have cancer does not mean they are always right... and to use that as leverage in an argument, I don't know what to think...

Postscript: After talking to my insurance agent, I found out the car accident was not my fault. She told me to stop contacting the lady, email and phone. If she still thinks it is my fault, she can file for her insurance claim and explain the situation to her insurance agency. The lady did not give me her driver's information and license plate number, so I cannot trust her by exchanging information with her through the phone. The most reliable way is to wait for the insurance call. With that being said, I guess I will be spending the remainder of summer waiting for that call...

Night 7/9/9.

Tried my first Liquid Cocain at the bar yesterday, the 151 was quite a sensation. Afterwards went to Ketmoree, the infamous bar in Davis where dirty dancing happens on a thursday night. The set-up of the place was not bad. This was actually the first time I got in, previous attempts have been cut short due to my lack of patience waiting in line to get grind on. I was never really into the whole idea of dancing in a bar. Yesterday was no different, so I decided last minute to watch the midnight showing of Brüno with couple drunk friends. Good thing I was kind of gone when I watched the movie or else I would have remembered many more instances of a certain male body part flashing on the big screen. Overall the movie was alright, the high-rating on rottentomatoes was kind of hyped. I couldn't help but wonder whom the target audience for Brüno are. All I can say is, the movie was pretty gay even from a homosexual standpoint...

Friend.

"Every single cell in the human body replaces itself over a period of seven years. That means there's not even the smallest part of you now that was part of you seven years ago. Everything is changing."-The Raw Shark Texts, Steven Hall.

Question: How do you really know someone?

I don't think there is any possible way to know someone completely. I mean that is the beauty of being alive right? You never know when people will surprise you. So I started off this entry aiming at a discussion on couple relationships, but today I did something really stupid and it made me ponder why I did it. Basically I put salt on my wrist and pressed it really hard with ice, the result is a numb wrist and a scar. My friend told me it is a "rite of passage", I did it without any questions asked. Afterwards, it kind of makes me wonder... Why am I always down to do stupid shit with my friends?! Then I realized, it is because we share a tacit agreement. I trust them. I mean that is really all you can ask for in any relationship. No matter what I do, they will always have my back. No matter how long I haven't hangout with them, everytime I head back home I can kick it with them like it was yesterday. A friend really is just a long and close companion...

I finally figured this out. I want to be your friend, even if I am just a friend. I was too attached to the ideas and the outcomes. I guess sometimes I am just too stubborn to think I can free myself from these attachments along the string of consequences. I mean, how often do we make mistakes of thinking what we want is actually what we need? Sometimes the most selfless thing is also the most selfish thing. If there is anything to take away, I was being selfish. There are so many opportunities to get to know you more as a person if I just open myself up to the possibilities. I was too attached and fixated on what will happen in the end that I completely forgot what it means to be a friend... Hope I am not too late...

"I could have met you in a sandbox. I could have passed you on the sidewalk. Could I have missed my chance and watched you walked away?"-Love song for no one, John Mayer.

Summer 6/28.

Only the first week of summer session... for some reason it feels ridiculously slow. Life is somewhat lacking in variety, partly due to the burning sensation coming from the sun that consumes slowly through the brim of my sanity. A lot of times I have these awesome ideas such as jogging in the park, only to find that once I opened the door I am immediately swept away by a chariot of fire. I never felt so drained before, can't wait till I am done with everything so I can be baptized by the ocean and splash my new life away at the beach... Oh how wonderful it is to listen to the waves crashing in-and-out and to enjoy the chill summer breeze. Just five more weeks left...

EVOL Backwards.

Just sitting on my bed right now... I can't sleep. Don't you hate it when that happens? For some odd reason, I have all these clouded thoughts in my head. I don't really know what to do about them, so figure I will just start typing away... maybe they would make more sense afterwards.

So recently I turned 21, still a boy and counting. This begs the big question: Why am I still single? Okay, part of the reason is because I want it that way. I will elaborate on that later. But the other part scares me... What if I am inadequate for love?

Am I? I don't know. Let's examine my love life, or lack-of. From highschool till now I only really liked four girls. The first girl, she was this hot korean girl in my history and algebra class. I actually don't really remember how this story began. I was really shy back then and for some I-still-don't-know-till-this-day reason she found out that I liked her. It was ironic because I wasn't really a popular kid, but she managed to find my sn. So we talked. Nothing really happened though because our social groups were too different. Back then I was only four years integrated into the system, dating a girl like her was way out of my league. I was still talking with a somewhat broken english, in fact I think my hair was still brown back then. She was whitewashed, had a popular white ex-boyfriend, white friends, you get the idea. I didn't have enough confidence to tell her how I feel about her face to face. Still, I bought her a teddy bear on her birthday, a necklace on valentine's day, and numerous candy grams for no apparent reason even after I moved on... I guess that was my way of sending her a friendly gesture. Last time I talked to her was before college, she was deciding which sorority to pledge.

Now I think about it, all of the girls I have liked in highschool are in a different sorority. Isn't that interesting? Anyways the second girl I liked, we actually started out as friends. She was cute in her own ways. It was the first time I felt all tingly inside. I met her through family friend and youth group. Like I said, she was pretty cute. But things didn't start to get serious until one summer, our parents decided to sign the both of us up for art programs in San Francisco. Each day on the train I would learn something new about her and she would tell me about her boy problems. It was the first time I found out I was a pretty good listener. It was also the first time I found out how much listening to someone that you have feelings for talking about someone else sucked. I didn't want to proclaim my feelings for her back then because I didn't want to jeopardize our friendships. And so our friendship lasted and I never made a move...

What happened next? Well things got a little bit more complicated. So thinking I would never get with the second girl, I guess my heart just moved on with time. This is when the third girl I liked entered the story. She was really pretty and for some reason I was attracted to her sarcasm. Now, this part of the story really has nothing to do with anything but it was by far one of the worst things I have ever done in my life. Story short, the second girl asked me to sadies and I rejected her because I liked the third girl at the time. Well my exact words were "maybe", I didn't know what to do back then. I was a boy, in addition a somewhat selfish one. The important lesson I took away from all of this is that... When someone put his/her heart on the line, treat it kindly. I still talk to the second girl from time to times. The whole incident still kind of haunts me till this day, but it shaped me into a better person. Oh I forgot to mention, I did end up going to sadies with her and had a wonderful time. Bittersweet memory I suppose...

Sorry, got a bit sidetracked. So what about the third girl? Well, I asked her to prom junior year. My feelings for her were up and down for a good three years. To be honest, I don't think she ever liked me. Which was kind of sad haha... but I mean I enjoyed her company. I talked to her everyday. I don't even remember what we talked about, but there was always something to talk about. Even though a part of me knew she doesn't like me, a part of me felt like if I just remained persistent...one day something would happen. That day never came. Eventually she got a boyfriend and I experienced my first heartbreak in freshmen year. After that I told myself I would put my heart on lock until after college...

Life was good being single, not really looking for any serious relationship. This all changed though, when I met the fourth girl. There was something about her... She had the best smile out of all the girls I have liked in the past. I loved her sense of humor and her subtle jokes. She was simple, but complex at the same time. She was geniuinely nice and that was hard to find. She had the look, the personality, she was the complete package. I only met her like couple months ago... but everything about her felt just right. Maybe that was the problem, she was too perfect. Everytime I hungout with her, I couldn't help but feel like I am intruding in her perfect life. Also, all her housemates were having troubles of their own... I felt like it would be inappropriate to talk about relationships with her. Besides that I don't really have any friends in common with her and she had only met me for a short period. So I tried my best to keep my feelings aside whenever I hungout with her. Of course, everything changed last week. She was going to be in socal the whole summer, I didn't know what to do. With all that bottled emotions, I went to her house at 2am in the morning and told her "I like her"...

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?! AT 2AM!? WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I had a whole speech planned out, but once she opened that door... My mind went blank. It was by far the most impulsive, spontaneous, erratic, unconsidered, unreasonable, UNPLANNED thing I have ever done. It was the first time I told a girl face to face I like her during the time I was still in love. If only it had been a little bit more romantic, instead of me trying to pull myself together the whole time. The whole experience must have been so awkward for her, but she was being so nice about it. She even gave me a hug at the end of the night...

The next day, I woke up... Proceeded to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, took a shower. I wasn't even sad about it. Everything felt like a dream. Unreal. Then the next day, I started to feel the repercussions. I couldn't help but wonder what if I never told her, would I have a better chance with her in the future? What if I presented myself differently, would her response be different? Maybe I needed more confidence? I should have opened up to her more and the list goes on...

Not everyone knows, but my favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast. Aside from the awesome action sequence, the beautiful musical, and the obvious moral lesson of how love shouldn't be shallow, Beauty and the Beast is a classic masterpiece. The Beast practically did everything wrong and still gets the girl in the end. Some might call that imprisonment, arrogant, persistent but it was all for love, nothing but love. It is worthy to note that the Beast did let Belle go back to town eventually and it was upon her choice of returning...

I feel like my relationship with her was kind of rocky from the very start and I am pretty sure I did just about everything wrong in front of her. But I guess a part of me was still clinging on to that last hope of a fairytale ending... In a sense, I am glad nothing more happened. Had she said yes, I would have gone down in history as the guy that had the most unromantic proposal. She deserves better than that. Of all the girls I have liked in the past that I should have taken a chance with, I am glad I took my chance with her. I honestly can't say I know her better than the other girls, but one thing is for sure... She appreciates the little things that I have done for her and that is all that matters. Where do I go from here? I don't know, but I think I will be fine...

21 years and counting...